Anger can be as sexy as actual sex. It can create connection, intimacy and deep…
Some people love lists and I admit that’s me too! I like making to do lists and crossing stuff out after I have done them. So here is my list of the five things I love about Radical Honesty:
1. Telling the truth
Sounds obvious so let me explain a bit more.
I used to be good at blurting out things and less good at showing my weaknesses, owning when I was worried or scared or tired. I used to hide my jealousy and envy.
I have learned to show more of myself, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I have noticed that the opposite of what I feared happens; people around me like me more or at least find it easier to relate to me when I’m also tired, messy, pissed off, scared and confused.
It’s so much more real.
I actually started to like all sides of myself more and find I have less need to hide my insecurities.
I’m still working on loving whatever is arising in me and I’m a hell of a lot closer than I was nine year ago when I joined my first workshop.
2. Noticing what I actually want and don’t want
During my first marriage and before that too I was very focused on what other people want and what might be good for them. I was often thinking I knew what was good for them and what they wanted without asking,
And I got that wrong many times and didn’t create the happiness and joy in them or in me that I wanted to offer with my not-so-great mind-reading skills.
With the practice of Radical Honesty I learned for the first time to notice and acknowledge what I actually want, what is important to me and what I don’t want.
3. Asking for what I want
Very much related to the earlier point… the next step from recognizing what I want was to make my wishes and wants a priority too.
I started to verbalize to my partner, son, friends and parents what I want. I made requests which in the past felt like me troubling others. I used to worry about coming across as selfish and demanding.
Why would I ask my partner to make me a cup of coffee or tea when I can just get it myself?
Well, I started to enjoy being in touch with what I want and receiving (that’s actually lots of fun – totally undervalued).
Nowadays I both enjoy asking and others asking me for what they want.
4. Being more present in the here and now
Before I paid very little or no attention to my bodily sensations. That happened mainly in moments or discomfort like stomach pain, headache, having pins and needles in my legs and such. And at times feeling excitement in the body when getting sexual.
Nowadays I can land into my body and take a moment just to feel the soles of my feel against the floor, my butt on the seat, a breeze of air on my skin or my chest going up and down with my breathing.
I am far more present in the current moment with noticing different sensations in my body, also the little seemingly unimportant shifts in the sensations.
At times I just feel very grateful for being alive and noticing all that is going on with me right now. Besides the sensations, also my thoughts and the sights and sounds around me.
5. Letting go of past hurts and creating the life I want
The first step is completing what is incomplete or troubling me from the past. I talked with my parents (several times) and expressed many anger and sadness of some of my childhood events and also told them what I appreciate them for. I told my dad how I was scared to fail and how demanding I found him. He listened to me.
Read more about completion talks.
When I started to practice Radical Honesty actively I made a list of people I felt incomplete with or there was something I wanted to talk about. The list included among others my mom, dad and brother, three past partners, current partner, three friends, a school time bully and two people I used to be friends with.
I felt freer after each talk and could let go of most of the anger and sadness and access more compassion and understanding toward the other and myself.
Freedom. That’s what I have gained by being honest.
From that freedom I have created the job I enjoy, relationships where I feel heard and seen and space to explore and have adventures. Moment to moment checking what kind of life I want to live rather than marching along on auto-pilot or fulfilling my parent’s wishes.
You might like this video I made about creating the life you want:
What do you love about Radical Honesty?
What has been most challenging for you in being honest?
What do you want more of in your life?
Will you share with me?
Will you tell your loved ones?
In this video I talk about what happens when you start practicing Radical Honesty.
And you can come and discover it for yourself!
Check out out workshops calendar for upcoming opportunities.
Tuulia (& Pete)