This year, I’ve challenged myself to ask more help. Oftentimes I tell myself that I can manage on my own. After all, my story is that I managed being an obedient child while my parents fought. I managed caring for my son when he was ill as an infant. I managed overseeing 100 employees while fundraising millions for non-profits. I’m managing taking care of my aging father. And so on.
I don’t want to manage any more. I want to live. I want—and will—ask for help and ask for what I want. I make myself scared to ask for help and I am committed to do it anyway. I make myself worried that people will say no, that people will see me as weak, that people will stop loving me. I’m teaching this f***ing stuff so I judge that, by now, I should be comfortable asking for help. And I worry I don’t live up to expectations by having difficulty asking for help.
A challenge for you: explore how you prevent yourself from asking for what you want from your loved ones, your work colleagues, your social acquaintances. Challenge yourself to ask them for help more often. Notice when you prefer to hold back and manage on your own. Say that aloud and ask anyway. And share how that experience was for you (scary, terrible, rewarding, exciting, etc.) and what sensations in your body you noticed when you asked for help. Then repeat! And ask your loved ones/colleagues/acquaintances to do the same. Ask them for help and then ask for what they want.