For me, asking for help has not been easy. Actually, damn difficult.
I grew up in the mode of, ”I need to manage on my own” and that it’s a weakness to ask for help or rely on other people.
So I never saw a healthy example of asking for help or support. And I judge that is the case for too many of us, maybe for you too. I am still learning how to rely on other people and trust that some are actually happy to support me.
During the past three years I’ve challenged myself to ask for more help. Oftentimes I still tell myself that I can manage on my own. That I can do it. That it’s good not to burden or bother people.
After all, my story is that I managed being an obedient child while my parents fought. I managed caring for my son when he was ill as an infant. I managed overseeing 100 employees while fundraising millions for non-profits. I’m managing to take care of my aging father. And so on.
The thing is that managing on my own is a lonely place.
Asking for help and sharing my struggles actually brings happiness, fulfillment and new ideas.
And the feeling of being loved and cared for.
I don’t want to manage any more. I want to live. I want to – and will – ask for help and for what I want. I make myself scared to ask for help and I am committed to do it anyway.
I make myself worried that people will say no, that people will see me as weak, that people will stop loving me. I’m teaching this f***ing stuff so I judge that, by now, I should be comfortable asking for help. And I worry I don’t live up to expectations by having difficulty asking for help.
Asking for Help Challenge
Explore how you prevent yourself from asking for what you want from your loved ones, your work colleagues, your social acquaintances.
Challenge yourself to ask them for help more often. Notice when you prefer to hold back and manage on your own. Say that aloud and ask anyway. And share how that experience was for you (scary, terrible, rewarding, exciting, etc.) and what sensations you noticed in your body when you asked for help.
Then repeat! And ask your loved ones/colleagues/acquaintances to do the same. Ask them for help and then ask for what they want.
Did you try this exercise? Let us know how this was for you in the Honesty Europe Facebook group!