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Blaming others vs taking responsibility

Today I want to talk about blame and owning your emotions and reactions.

Blaming others for your emotions can be fun – and will not take you very far. Not far in terms of getting over your stuff and not far in creating connection.

Do you take responsibility for your emotions or prefer to blame others?

Do you think that you are the creator of all your emotions and thoughts?

Do you agree that others cannot make you feel anything?

What other people say and do impacts you and still they cannot make you feel a certain way.

How you feel is your own creation – influenced by others around you, your history, your personality, your triggers, whether you are hungry, tired or in a certain mood – and lots more. Like your stress and hormone levels and earlier events of the day.

So we are responsible for all the emotions we feel.

Solely responsible.

So how can we change our emotions?

Well, that’s more tricky.

As Brad Blanton, the founder of Radical Honesty, puts it: we are responsible and not in control of our emotions.

Read that again: responsible and not in control.

Tricky, eh?

How all this works though is that when we are aware of our emotions, sensations and thoughts we can actually keep noticing and sharing what is going on with us.

Noticing and sharing tends to create acceptance.

Like “I notice tightness in my jaw and stomach and stiffness in my chest. I notice thoughts that I didn’t like what you said. I think I am angry. I resent you for saying xxx. I am sharing this out loud not to hide or withhold from you.”

I accept whatever is happening in each moment – easier said than done of course. And I see that as a great way to be happy. Accepting whatever is.

And then: the tightness in your body releases some. Physical sensations shift. Thoughts change. Anger seems to be less. And eventually you are not angry any more.

A bit related to this topic is this video about how to stop absorbing other people’s emotions.

And also this one about what to do when you are stuck in an argument of who remembers events from the past correctly.

What emotions and sensations do you find easy to accept?

What emotions, thoughts and sensation do you tend to try to ignore or push away?

What are those trying to tell you?

And: how would your life feel like if you were accepting whatever is?

Some weeks back Pete and I talked about Radical Honesty with Gitte from the Art of Living Podcast. You might enjoy listening to our conversation:


I wish you a good day – no matter where you are, what is happening in your surroundings and how you feel at this very moment!

You are in constant change and flow any way.


Tuulia (& Pete)

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