"Clear and firm boundaries and doing your own work!"This is what I answered when a…
|I got a message few days back that read:|
“I really enjoyed reading this email/newsletter… And, I also really enjoyed watching Love Boat and Hill Street Blues as a kid too (and Fantasy Island!).”
Read the newsletter here in case you missed it.
I really like reading when something I write wakes up a thought, feeling or a memory for someone else. I also enjoyed getting a message from the UK about my earlier newsletter about feeling sorry for oneself and also depression (read the newsletter here)
The reader shared about having been depressed for all their adult life and found help in therapy even though the sessions were stressful for a long time. I felt moved reading: “I now understand my depression to have been the result of many years of repression and trauma, of others lying to me, on very deep levels from a very young age.”
I notice warmth towards the reader and compassion for them reading about trauma and the experience of being lied to as a child.
Most of us have many sad and scary memories from our childhood.
Moments or years when we did not feel safe.
Or did not feel seen and heard.
I have that, too. Not feeling important to my parents and them being busy with their own stuff.
I did not feel seen.
I was bullied by one of my teachers when I was around nine years old and by a fellow student when I was 13-15.
This week I want to write about some happy or neutral childhood memories.
For me, this is also timely because my father died last year and I am happy that I can access many pictures in my mind about happy and light moments with him besides the moments when I felt scared of him.
I remember our Saturday nights. My dad would heat the wood-burning sauna downstairs. We would watch English league football on TV. I remember names such as Liverpool, Nottingham and Chelsea.
To this day, I still don’t understand much about football yet I do recall the excitement of my dad and my older brother.
Those evenings we would also eat grilled sausages with ketchup and mustard. And I would get a glass of cola—the only time of the week I would be allowed to drink sugary drinks. After the football, we would watch the German police series “Der Alte.” From that, I learned my first German words: “Achtung! Polizei!“
Later, the Saturday night series was “Midsomer Murders” and “Bergerac,” British detective series based on the island of Jersey. Oh, and also “Lovejoy”!
I smile as I recall these evenings with my mom, my dad and my brother.
Those were happy, carefree moments.
I asked Pete what comes to him about happy childhood memories in San Francisco.He said, “The first thing that comes to mind is when my family would go out to eat at the Front Room pizzeria for my or one of my siblings’ birthday. The only time my family would ever go to a restaurant was for such an occasion. I recall us only eating pepperoni pizzas every time. Maybe when my oldest sister became a vegetarian we also ordered a small plain cheese pizza for her.
We would all sprinkle tons of parmesan cheese and dried chili pepper on our pizza because those things were free and getting any free food was treated as holy in my family. And we all drank orange soda. Somehow, that specific thing stands out to me. I recall getting excited about being served orange soda. Of course, we all made sure to order our sodas without ice since we were determined to not be tricked into watering down our drinks!”
I smile at my and Pete’s memories.
I like recalling small moments in our childhood when everything was well.
What is one of your happy childhood memories?
What do you notice in your body when you recall it?
What emotions come up?
I also throw you a challenge:
What about sharing a childhood memory with your partner, your child or with a friend? Let them get to know you more in that way!
Tuulia (& Pete)
PS: Work on your childhood stuff with us to access more!
Next opportunities are
? For the Finnish speaker: Weekend workshop in Helsinki, Finland 17-19 February
? For everyone: Weekend workshop in lovely Amsterdam 17-19 March
? And for Advanced Practitioners: a retreat in lovely new retreat center in Parkano, Finland!
Practitioner and Advanced Retreat will take place on 5-9 April.