Boundaries… many people talk about them. ”You crossed my boundary”, “my boundary goes here” and more. What does that really mean?
What are boundaries?
For me a boundary is to recognize what I want and what I don’t want. It’s to be aware of what feel’s okay to me and what does not, and to verbalize that. It’s about saying ”no” when I feel like a ”no” and ”yes” when I feel like ”yes”.
And being aware when ”yes” turns into a ”should” or ”no”.
Boundaries are related to ”big” and ”small” things. Things like, if I want to listen to the other person right now or not. Or do I want to be touched right now? And if yes, in what way do I want to be touched? What feels good for me now?
Questions to ask yourself:
- When do you struggle with when recognizing and communicating boundaries?
- What are you good at when it comes to verbalizing what’s okay with you and what’s not?
- Are you able to say no after you earlier said yes?
- What is key for you when you think about saying yes or no?
Let us know what is important to you and watch this video where I talk more about boundaries and the steps you can take to have healthy boundaries.
Can I trust the other person to honor their boundaries?
Quite often I get questions like “can I trust that when they say yes they mean yes?” What do I do when I have a feeling that they say yes to please me and don’t actually really want it?
This is a tricky one.
On one hand, you want to make sure they really check in whether it’s a yes or a no. And on the other hand, you want to trust that adults are able to know what they want without you insisting.
For me there’s also an angle that when I have been doing work with myself and I am aware of what I want and don’t want, I am in a place of supporting the other who has not maybe done as much work around this topic.
In this video, I talk about this exact dilemma.
You might also find this video about how to deal with people who don’t express their feelings and boundaries interesting!
How are you with setting and honoring your boundaries? Let us know!