In Radical Honesty, we often talk about “completion talks” or “honest conversations.” We highly encourage…
“Freedom.” That was my immediate reply when, last week, the Finnish therapist and author Anja Snellman asked me on Finnish television what I thought was the most important aspect about honesty. I immediately replied: Though I was initially surprised by my answer, I realize I’ve gained a tremendous amount of freedom in my life by striving to be honest. These days, I feel much freer to make choices that take me out of my comfort zone.
For example, for years I had told myself that I needed to have a secure/permanent job. Having such a job somehow ensured me that I would manage, that I’d be OK in life. I had also told myself that I needed to have money in the bank so I could manage in cases of emergency. Then I went through a divorce (when my son was 9 years old) and I learned that job security and financial security mattered little during such a crisis. What helped me instead was accepting that I could feel sad/angry/fearful/lost/etc. while knowing none of those feelings would last forever. The love, support and presence I received from my friends and mother was also extremely helpful.
Today I’m grateful for having experienced being lost and oblivious. Little by little, I trusted that I would manage without the security of a job, money or a marriage. I felt freer and happier. I could follow my wishes and indulge my curiosity and things would be OK. They might not have been OK in the way I had imagined they would be—and yet they were OK anyway.
Right now, at this very moment, I feel free. I’m a mother, a partner, a friend and a businesswoman running my own workshop/coaching business. All of those aspects of my life include freedom. They are results of choices I made. When I’m making myself happy, sad, angry or excited I can talk about it, make decisions, take action and see where that takes me. I no longer need to know the exact destination; I can just enjoy the journey.