I turned 50… what’s changed?

A few weeks back I turned 50.

I think it was a bigger deal for Pete than for me.

I don’t feel any different – not older nor wiser.

Pete organized an online dance for the Honesty Europe community and friends to join to celebrate my birthday. I enjoyed starting my day with going to the gym followed by dancing.

I was particularly proud of making it to the gym in the morning – I tend to leave that towards night time. I’m not a good morning person.

If I have no commitment I tend to have a long breakfast while reading my book and doing some work. I can easily be in pajamas until 1 pm or so and enjoy three big cups of coffee. 

​​Dancing with people was special – Pete played the songs I like and have requested for the dance parties during the last two years.
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My birthday dance party also marked a two year anniversary of community online dance parties. 

Pete first organized one when I turned 48 and since then over 100 dance parties during the lock-down and later as a monthly tradition to dance together, move our bodies and have some sharing time.

After the dance party I took a little moment to reflect on where I am at right now.

Since the past 12 or so years every year has been better than the earlier one. In many ways I like getting older. I worry less about stuff like making a living or taking care of my son or how I will end up in my life or what other people think of me.

I have life experiences and have lived through different phases as an adult.

I have been a young adult studying, finding my first job, forming my first relationships, working in Canada, Portugal, Germany and Netherlands, learning new jobs and skills including managing people, marketing and fundraising, getting married, being pregnant and having a child. And living nuclear family life, divorcing, seeing my son growing into adulthood, changing careers, starting my own business, remarrying and forming a new kind of romantic relationship where we are a great team.

And I got into Radical Honesty and trained as a Radical Honesty trainer and completed four years of therapist studies. Something I would have definitely not seen coming when I was young.

And more!

I used to worry a lot.

Now I worry about things like “what’s for dinner” or “I should go to sleep, it’s late” or “when do I go to the gym” or “I need to watch what I eat” or “do we get signups for our workshops”.

More everyday worries and less existential worry about me managing in life. Worries if I make it.

Mostly I like being 50. I know far more who I am and what I like and don’t like. I know when it’s time to take it easy and rest (even though I don’t always listen to myself in that).

 I know what kind of people I want to spend my time with and with whom I prefer to spend less time with, I can take healthy distance from most people’s emotions and know that whatever is going on with them is about them (with my mom I still struggle).

I still worry and get anxious about little things at times. Like going somewhere not quite knowing how to get there and being tight on time and getting nervous.

What do you worry about?

How do you make yourself nervous or anxious?

I like that I care less about stuff and appearances and more about comfort, experiences and presence. In my relationship I can also enjoy time apart and doing my thing. This is big being a recovering codependent person.

By the way I also wrote about being happy in another newsletter reflecting my holiday in El Tablado village with Pete in La Palma, you can read it here.

During Easter I enjoyed quiet time in the cabins on my own for four nights. I walked on the ice, read books, cooked, had sauna and took it easy. I also made this video there about creating little happy moments in life.

How do you feel about your age?

How do you feel about where you are in your life?

Love,
Tuulia (& Pete)​
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P.S. We have now four more spots left for the 8-Day Intensive retreat in Sulkava, Finland!

Enjoy the transformational experience in the woods of Finland by one of the most beautiful lakes in the country!

We have a peaceful, big lakeside property for us in the middle of a forest, two saunas, a hot tub and row boat! In this lovely wooden villa we will have lots of space to work, relax and hang out with others.

The 8-Day Intensive in Finland takes place 14-22 June! Read more here.

P.P.S. While leading a weekend workshop in Copenhagen, Micha and I gave an interview about Radical Honesty.

I enjoyed the talk and I think you might find it interesting too!I enjoyed the talk and I think you might find it interesting too!

Check it out here.