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Winter retreat in the Netherlands 30.11.-3.12!

Let´s talk about anger

I love talking about anger.

I even love expressing anger. ?

Well, I don’t always love expressing it in the moment and I do love how I feel afterwards. Most times I feel relaxed and connected to the other person. I appreciate them for listening to me and staying present (if they didn’t run away! Which happens very rarely).

My shoulders go down, tension in my stomach and jaw are released.
I feel expansion in my chest.

Easier to breathe
. I breathe from my belly and chest and not just from high up in my chest.

I also both love and at times struggle to receive anger.

I love that others dare to express themselves to me. I experience healthy expressions of anger very clear and connecting.

It is not always easy for me to receive someone’s anger even though I know it is not really about me.
You might wonder
why to talk about anger just before Christmas?

I talk about anger as it is so important in my opinion.

And many of us meet our parents, siblings or other relatives over the holidays and old unexpressed stuff might come to surface. We might feel miserable even though it’s “happy time” and we celebrate Christmas.

So many of us have never learned to express anger in a direct and healthy way.

Instead of directly telling the other person and keeping eye contact, many tend to leave the situation, slam doors or throw things, blame, play a victim or merthyr, go into nasty jokes and many more not effective ways of expressing anger. ?

And I got reminded of this again last weekend when I led a Finnish language weekend workshop in Helsinki. Many participants were waiting and wanting to express and receive expressions of anger.

Several told they were angry at their parents, partners, ex partners or siblings for things that had happened in the past. Blamy words and behaviour, parents fighting, heavy alcohol use, violence, put downs. Nasty words, absent parent, inability to express emotions…

Known to many of us.
Do you recognize some of these things from your past?

I think there’s too little talk about anger and how to express it in a way that we can feel connected with the other person and get over it.

Most of us received very little education on emotional skills, including expressing key emotions like anger, sadness, shame, attraction and love. No wonder we struggle. No wonder we sometimes leave a mess when getting angry.

I invite you to take a moment and reflect.

When were you last angry?
What happened?

Did you express your anger to the person you were angry at?

Have you gotten over your anger?
Is there more to express or a conversation to have?
By when will you talk with them? ?

You might also like this video about expressing anger and getting over it.
Or this one about relationship between anger and sadness.

I hope you will take good care of yourself and express your wants – and your anger this Christmas! ?

We wish you a great holiday season or Merry Christmas if you celebrate that! ??

Tuulia (& Pete)

PS: Did you already check out the Christmas presents from us to you??
Take a look of the discounts and other gifts here ?

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