This is Pete. Tuulia usually writes these newsletters. Over the past few days, while Tuulia…
|Our workshops are not for everyone.
I would rather be upfront and clear than try to make our workshops and retreats a fit for everyone.
Our workshops and retreats are not for you if:
1. You don’t want to tell the truth.
2. You want to stay in your comfort zone at all times.
3. You don’t want to hear participants expressing themselves loudly at times.
4. You prefer to focus more on what others in your life should change about themselves rather than looking at your own issues.
5. You don’t want to commit to remaining until the end of each session.
6. You have major untreated traumas.
Radical Honesty workshops and retreats can be physically and psychologically stressful.
7. You have an acute mental health challenge.
In that case, please first consult with your doctor / therapist.
Now I want to talk more about these points!
In the workshops we talk and share, and listen.
We are present (I talked more about presence in one of the recent newsletters)
We notice what is happening in us (physical sensations), outside us (particularly noticing with our sight and hearing) and inside our head (thinking).
And we also shout, cry, laugh, tremble, shake and sometimes jump. Someone might even do sudden or unexpected physical movements.
This is not for everyone.
Some people benefit from a softer and/or slower approach.
Some people need some one-on-one work with a therapist or other professional before a group setting is suitable for them and for their process.
As the founder of Radical Honesty Brad Blanton says: “Radical Honesty works pretty good, most of the time.”
Also, you might simply prefer another approach.
And that’s fine with me.
Our workshops are not for you in case you have major untreated trauma.
You would most likely benefit from having more time and space dedicated to you addressing and healing from your trauma. In such cases, a group setting might not be the right environment. You would probably be better served by doing one-on-one work with a trauma-trained therapist who uses a slow-paced, body-based approach.
Also, in a group we have a limited time per each person’s topics and processes and the workshops are not meant for replacing therapy.
Most people are more fit to join a workshop after they have done some work on their trauma, intense reactions or dysregulated nervous system.
All that being said, “not now” does not mean that person is never welcomed.
In an attempt at being a responsible workshop leader, my best judgement might be that the workshop is not suitable for someone just then. Yet I am willing to discuss this with people and then later assess again whether our workshop is for them.
I want to share one event from several years back.
We had a participant (who I’ll call X). X had gotten pretty triggered about other participants’ sharings. X didn’t want anyone sitting close to them and got triggered and overwhelmed when someone was “too close.”
I find difficult trying to arrange the seating and the exercises to be able to suit X while still serving everyone else in the group.
X had many intense processes and I judge was quickly overwhelmed at times. I struggled to give enough time and attention to X while still attending to all that was arising in the others.
Ultimately, I felt that, at that moment, group-work was not suitable for X.
Pete and I told X that we judged our workshops and retreats were not suitable for them right then. I told X that they seemed so triggered and overwhelmed that being in the group didn’t seem to serve them (or the group).
All this was difficult for me to say.
And seemed to be difficult for X to hear.
I want to support people and also support the ones who are in a challenging situation.
At the same time, I need to recognize the nature of group work and my limitations as a workshop leader.
I am not able to support everyone in the way we work.
X was quite upset when I told them that I would not accept them into a workshop that they wanted to attend. We then had a mediated conversation. X expressed their emotions about feeling abandoned and more. I felt quite shitty hearing me being “blamed.” And, at the same time, I felt compassion. In the end, I felt good about having taken that action.
What happened then?
A few years later, after X did more personal one-on-one work elsewhere, they seemed to be in a better place. We discussed how they had not been doing well at that time a few years earlier and how they are in such a better situation now. I accepted them into another workshop and I judge they (and I) had a fine workshop experience.
Here is a video about who our workshops are for.
And here is a little flavor of what happens in workshops and what people say about them.
And a bit related to this topic! I want to ask you:
When did you last time realise something you wanted was not suitable for you right now?
How was that for you?
When did you hear a “no” last time?
How does your body react to these questions?
Tuulia (& Pete)
PS: If after reading all this you do want to join, check these out:
Honesty & Conscious Touch retreat 5-9 July!
Join us and Michael Kreuzwieser for fun and interesting (& maybe also triggering) five days by the lake in Finland! ????
In case you don’t want long sessions and long workshops days – the Honesty Gathering near Berlin 13-17 September is for you!
In the Honesty Gathering you decide what session you join and when you prefer to chill out by the lake or in the sauna & hot tub ☀️