I want to write to you and I’m not sure what to write. I remember what my journalism teacher at university used to say about starting to write: If you first write your name, you’ll already feel better.” I had written already “Dear friend.” Then I added “Love, Tuulia (and Pete).” And he was right! I already feel better. I like seeing my name on the screen.
I like my name. I like seeing my name. I like people mentioning me. Me me me! I also like owning my desire to be noticed, to be mentioned, to be seen by people around me. I feel like a kid again. A bubbly feeling. I’m here! I want to jump up and down! I want everyone to see me! And then, all of a sudden, less shame. I’m back to being in a kid-like state. I judge that wanting and enjoying attention is OK. No shame attached. It’s normal for humans, mammals, human animals.
Do you recognise this in yourself – do you feel joyful and bubbly when you are being mentioned? Do you want to be seen and heard?
Maybe it’s something about my survival instinct: I want my flock to see me to survive. When we didn’t have all this fancy technology and tools us humans needed to stick together for shelter, food and protection.
I feel sad thinking how many of us have been shamed for our natural wish to be seen and heard. While an attempt for attention is often considered an enduring quality for a little kid, children are often scolded for wanting to be seen and heard. Teenagers and young adults are then often told not to be difficult or loud or demanding. Adults wanting attention are often considered selfish, self-centered, arrogant.
Recently, in one of our post-workshop follow-up email groups, Simon mentioned my name and stated that he liked the photos of me that Pete had posted. (Photos of me with some of the group members participating together in another workshop.) I felt warmth in my face and a pleasant sensation in my belly. Thank you, Simon. I appreciate you for mentioning me. I saw you in the photos, too. I read your email. I see you. I want to hear what you want to share.
Me wanting to be seen, heard and recognised does not mean I don’t want to see other people. I believe I have more capacity to see others and be present with them when I’m owning my desire to be seen, heard and mentioned.
When I want something for myself, oftentimes I want that for others, too. Me wanting things for myself isn’t taking away from anyone else. I see it as just adding to the (bottomless) pool of happiness.
Do you want to really practice self-love and self-care while, at the same time, connecting and loving others? We have two spots left at the famous Radical Honesty 8-Day Intensive Retreat in May in Jávea, on the Spain’s Costa Blanca. We will dive deep into Radical Honesty during our days together at a hilltop villa overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. Is one of these two spots yours?
If you can’t make it in May, the next opportunity for our 8-Day Intensive Retreat is 6-14 October in Mallorca. That workshop is already filling up, too!
Hey, did you read this blog? Do you like it? Do you see my words, my thoughts, my name?Do you hear me?
Do you see yourself? Who else do you see? Who do you want to see and hear you the most? Will you tell them?