Not just the sunny day version

Anger can be as sexy as actual sex.
It can create connection, intimacy and deep love and understanding. ❤️

Explosive anger – I am talking about rage –  can also break and hurt and create more distance and fear.

Expressing anger can release feel good hormones such as endorphins and dopamine (it can also be addictive! One can get addicted to endorphins released when angry or having other high tensity emotions).

I love talking about anger.

I love expressing my anger!

Well, I don’t always love expressing it in the moment and I do love how I feel afterwards.

I even love anger being expressed to me – most of the time. At times I also feel defensive, angry or sad. And I tend to get over those feelings and eventually often appreciate someone trusting me so much that they are willing to show they anger to me.
(because withholding is easy)

I am now talking about expressing anger in a healthy way.

How to recognize healthy expression of anger

1. Your goal is to get over stuff and improve connection with the other.

2. You take responsibility for you feelings and use “I” language rather than blamey “you” language.

3. You are able to get specific – what are you angry about instead of throwing around “you always” and “you never” kind of statements.

4. You might raise your voice and use your body language to convey your message and you do not threaten or get in any way violent or raging.

5. You are able to contain your anger in case the timing does not qood for the other one to hear and process.

Or in case the target of your anger is a child you are able to find other ways to let go without shouting or doing other potentially scary things towards a child.

6. You are able to let go and find forgiveness.
Or if you are not yet fully letting go you have been able to let go some and
Maybe you can even eventually find humor in your anger and how you made yourself so worked up!
(watch this video about using humour.)

7. You feel relaxation in your body after sharing your anger.
You might notice your shoulders drop, jaw relax or belly loosen up. Breathing might feel easier and deeper.

8. You are willing and able to hear the other person too.

Why am I sharing this?
It is personal. I want to be myself. I want to be accepted as I am without pretending and conforming.

I want people close to me to know and see who I am.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
All of me.
Not just the sunny day version.

And I want that for you too.

Most times I feel relaxed and connected to the other person after I have expressed what is in my mind – anger, sadness, excitement, joy, shame or something else.I appreciate people in my life for listening to me and witnessing me.
For staying present.

Very seldom someone does not want to hear my sharing.
I am grateful for that.

Watch this video where I talk about getting over anger

What is your relationship with anger?
Can you be yourself around your loved ones? ❤️

I wish you a happy summer – with anger and all!

Love,
Tuulia & Pete