People Pleasing vs Telling the Truth

Are you more of a people pleaser than a truth teller?

Are you one of those people who want to be polite and nice and end up feeling lousy for withholding?

Or do you tend to speak up even if you feel a little uncomfortable and might worry about hurting the other?

I have been a master people pleaser most of my life.

Until I was around I spent my time pleasing others and trying to second guess what they want (without asking them). You can most likely imagine how happy I felt with that behavior. All attention outwards and none to myself.

I don’t recommend that way of living. I recommend sharing and asking for what you want. Sharing about things you want and don’t want others to know about you.

Sometimes we do an exercise in the workshops where everyone shares something they don’t like others to know about them. Sometimes we share longer stories and sometimes one quality, patterns or personality trait that we rather hide from others.

I very much enjoy this exercise and I enjoy hearing the sharing people do.

I was thinking in the past few days how easy it is just for me just to stay in the niceties and how even now after many years of Radical Honesty practice and teaching I still struggle at times.

I notice tightness in my stomach and I gather courage to show myself when I am tired, weak or want help. When I struggle or don’t know what to do.

I don’t want you to know that at times I feel overwhelmed and think I have taken too many things on and won’t manage.

Currently I notice I have a worry about what if we find our retreat center that Pete and I have been dreaming about and I don’t like living year round in the countryside. That I miss being closer to my son and closer to museums, movie theaters and cafes.

And I am also excited about the new chapter of my life: my son who is turning 20 will be moving out of home and me exploring having our own retreat center and community. Settling down in a new place. My current home in Finland was never a place I wanted to stay forever, it’s functioning and cozy and I bought it mainly to be close to my son’s school and the railway station.

Excited and scared. That’s where I am at and I notice I rather not share that I am scared. It’s also somehow new to me: I have gone towards adventures and new places and countries most of my life.

So what is this hesitation about?

I don’t know.

And I am curious to explore it.

Last week I also wrote about a somewhat similar topic: how for me the essence of Radical Honesty is being real and showing all sides and parts of ourselves.

That is very freeing and liberating for me and I imagine for you too.

If you are new or relatively to Radical Honesty you might like this video where I talk about Radical Honesty including showing yourself.

(You might like the video even though you have been around for a while!)

When was the last time you shared something personal and vulnerable?

How was it for you?

Love,
Tuulia (and Pete)

P.S. Good news! After five years I will be back in Copenhagen leading a weekend workshop with Radical Honesty Trainer candidate Micha who has been training with us this year alongside with Chelsea.

The Radical Honesty workshop in Copenhagen will take place 28-30 January in the city center. I’m excited to be in Copenhagen again and help to bring some more Radical Honesty to Denmark!

P.P.S – Don’t forget to apply for the 2022 Practitioner Program by the deadline December 15th – for those interested in deepening their Radical Honesty practice ?