What to do when you don’t know what you want

I got this question What to do when you don’t know what you want? and I think it is a great one.

Talking about asking for what you want does not help or empower much when you don’t have wishes or desires.

Or is it possible that you don’t know what you want?

I think it is totally possible to not be in touch with what you want. Or just feel so down that nothing is exciting.

Or maybe you have learned early on that what you want is not important and saying what you want is selfish and egoistic. If we learn as a child to repress our wants we will need some effort to get back in touch with our wants.

So what to do when you don’t know what you want?

I believe we all have preferences – even if small ones.

You can start with checking in with things like:

• Do I want to sit or stand?
• Do I want to talk or listen?
• Do I want to eat or not to eat?

and so on.

Your body will tell you what options feel better.

By listening to your body, you start to notice your smaller and bigger preferences.

Just give yourself time to notice the reactions and subtle changes in your body.

A bit of tightness or tension is a no.

Relaxing, releasing, expanding tends to be a yes.

You can learn again to access your wishes and desires.

Like you were able to when you were a child.

And the next step is to voice them, even though that might be scary.

Because: The best way to get what you want is to ask.

So: when are you going to start asking?

You might like this video I made about asking for what you want:

Or these blog posts about the art of asking for what you want and what steps to take if you are nervous to ask.

Or this video about the difference between asking for what you want and controlling (=demanding what you want).

Soooo: What do you want right now?

How do you know that is what you want?

What happens in your body when you think about it?

Love,
Tuulia (& Pete)

P.S. One thing I want to mention is the Honesty Europe Practitioner Program. Pete and I started it in 2019 and have improved the program every year and I am pretty happy with it (and you might be too)!

The reason why I mention this is that I love working long term with people, creating connections and better understanding of what they are about, what is important to them and what is challenging. I judge the participants and us trainers get so much more out of long term processes where they have built trust and connection. And doing this in a group gives so many things: learning to speak up and listen, daring to get angry and sad in front of others, asking for support and being willing to receive it and having the profound experience of being seen and heard.

In case you get excited, email us to learn more! The applications for the 2023 Practitioner Program are open now ? Apply now