A pickle… Alone or together?

27.5.2025
Anxiety

In April Pete and I led Couples retreat followed by the Transform Money Beliefs retreat (which was great – we will lead another one next year!).

For two weeks I had sweet people in my home which is also our retreat center.

Then we had one night at home in Syvilla, just the two of us.
And then a friend helped out with making firewood in our cabin and my son also arrived.
My mom was around in her place next door (luckily away from seeing distance)

On that Saturday my son left and it was just us.
(except my mom who lives nearby in her cabin).

I notice one thing about me, something that is not new and still kind of really hit me.
I have a hard time taking alone time when there are people around.

That goes for having a friend or a group of friends in our place, or even during retreats which I am leading or joining as a participant.
And during trips with others.

There is fear of missing out in me.

And also what I judge to be a wrong kind of sense of obligation needing to be available.
Like people would not take care of themselves or have fun without me.

Like I am a bad host or bad friend if I take time for myself.
And when do I have a hard time really relaxing like reading my book.
Occasional nap I can manage.

I do not know what that is about.

My hunch is something to do with how my mom – and my dad to some extent – were whenever we had guests.

We did not often have guests, maybe once or twice. Even my grandparents did not visit that often or my uncles or the (very few) friends my parents had.

Whenever we had people coming there was cleaning, vacuuming, cooking – and stress.
My mom took care of the most and told us around.
To help to do this and that.
She was most of the time running late and getting stressed.

I learned two things:

One needs to clean and cook a lot when guests are coming.
It is stressful to have people in the house.
More stress than fun.

I remember this thinking also sticking with me.

In my early 20’s I often invited friends over to the place I was sharing with my first long term boyfriend.
And I often felt a need to have the place vacuumed and dustied and all the stuff put away. At least just challeved to the cupboards. And of course I cooked.

Nowadays I try to take it more easy and cook together with our guests.
Or cook when I truly feel like it.

I still vacuum and clear the biggest piles of stuff away.
The good thing is the house gets cleaned.
The bad side is that I do not feel very relaxed having people over.
Still.

And this is who I am right now.
I try to love and embrace myself this way.

Talking of which…

No cleaning or cooking needed!
You can just do your work, chill, relax and focus on yourself.
Exploring your journey. Your highs and lows.
Your challenges and joy.

The Early Bird price for theSummer Retreat 25.-29 June in Syvilla Finland ends on the 15th of May. ⏳

You are most welcome to enjoy the lush summer, lake, great food (not cooked by me though), row boats, hot tub and good company with us!

Few questions for you