I felt envious…

I confess that I have felt irritated reading people’s accounts of the past year on Facebook.
Many pictures.
Friends, Family. Celebrations.
Happy faces.
Mountains, sea, beaches, scenery.

People share about the key events, successes and happiness (and some struggles sometimes too) of the past year.
And I grinch.
Feel uneasy.
Tightness in my stomach.

I was wondering today how I make myself feel annoyed about this.
I did the same time last year too.

I came up with a few thoughts.

I have a hard time recalling all that happened the past year myself.
My focus is a lot in the future.
(Maybe sometimes too much and I don’t take enough time to reflect and learn and be introspective)

I especially grinch when people share an account month by month.
“In January xx. Then in February happened xx…”

I also dislike the general descriptions: “2024 had highs and lows”.
“Great times and tough times…”
No kidding!

I want to scream:
“Tell me what actually happened in your life!”
(and of course many choose not to share too personal stuff in fb – me included)
I feel ashamed to share this with you.

In the end I want to think:
Live and Let Live.
I like that motto.
And still I am judgmental about these postings.

I also realized – and this is harder to write: I envy.
I envy people who seem to have lots of friends and happy extended family around them.
New Years’ dinners full of friends.

I have few close friends and some friends who are less close.
And plenty of people I like and enjoy spending time with even though I might not seek them out.
And I love people in our workshops.
I love the realness and vulnerability.
The raw way of being human.

I envy people who have groups of (girl) friends they hang out with and do little trips and go to spa, go out for lunch and cook together and have book clubs.
I often spend time 1:1 with a friend.
And I also like being alone or with Pete.
I do not have a friend group.

I do not feel very close to my extended family nor do we have any enjoyable or fun family traditions.
I feel sad writing that.

So envy.
I am noticing this feeling of unease owning my envy.

I am pretty easygoing and focusing on my own business most of the time.
And then all of a sudden this unpleasant feeling creeps in.
Oh fuck.
I feel envious.

I can – maybe – also access happiness for others and that is somewhere there underneath.
I am also thinking: is this a related emotion to the feeling I used to have a lot.
That is feeling uneasy about people bragging about themselves and me noticing that I downplay my success or talents.

I let this simmer.
Let me know if you have any thoughts coming up! 

Questions for you:
Do you sometimes grinch at something another person is doing and feel ashamed?
Are you judgmental about what people post on their facebook or instagram?

When do you feel envy?
Do you know what it is about – maybe something in your past or in your personality?

I am now going to cook dinner (potatoes, salmon, avocado and mozzarella salad – a nice holiday meal) and watch a movie with Pete.
He says it is a drama and asks if I am ok to watch drama instead of romance.
After watching several (mediocre) romantic Christmas movies I am open to drama!

Bring it on.

Oh, and another confession: I also dislike New Year’s resolutions.

We wish you joy, laughter, love, adventure, surprises and lightness this year!
And honesty, learning, peace and presence!

Love,
Tuulia (& Pete) ❤️