❤️Listen! (I recommend this to everyone)

As the year comes to a close Pete and I are enjoying more quiet time in Syvilla. 

We had our last workshop of the year in Amsterdam and celebrated Christmas first with our sons separately (I also had my mother and her partner with me for Christmas Eve) and then together here in Syvilla with our little Christmas tree. 

We are getting into the rhythm of having slow mornings. Pete wakes up long before me and I get up normally after 8 hours of beauty sleep. 

I sleep so well here in the forest! 
It is so quiet.
And I like keeping the bedroom at 18 degrees.
(I read it is good for you!)

In the morning Pete reads and writes in the living room downstairs, and maybe watches the birds in the bird feeders – after the sun is up.
I do some stretching on waking and go downstairs to read my book and enjoy my first and often second coffee. ☕

Then we have some cuddles and maybe sex followed by breakfast and dice games.
We might do some work with laptops and physical work outside such as shovelling snow or carrying firewood inside. 

We are also getting into the habit of going for walk in the afternoon.
(now it is pretty slippery though and I love my new boots with spikes!)

We often start our walks with five minute sharing.
It is a nice way to pause and check how I am doing and what is alive.

It is also a great way to relax into listening and witnessing the other.
Just listening without a need to help, comment, offer an opinion or debate.

If you have joined a workshop or a retreat with us I am pretty sure you remember the Five or Three minute check-ins we do in the mornings.

I love that practice! 

I often also propose to couples and families I work with to set up five minute sharings.
Every day.
Or at least four times a week.

You might wonder: why is this so important?

In my experience we all yarn to be heard and seen.
And in the busy everyday life it is easy to not really listen and share. And thus start to feel distant from loved ones.

It is soooo easy to get caught in practical things rather than stopping and really listening.

I have definitely done that.
Being busy and not really hearing the other.

And not checking in what is alive in me.
How I feel.
What is important to me right now.
And sharing that with each other.

Here are the instructions:

5 minutes sharing with Active listening 

Set a timer to 5 minutes. (or if you prefer you can also allocate 7 or 10 minutes to each person)

First person shares whatever is in their mind about for example what has happened that day, how they are doing, what is important to them, what is troubling, or puzzling to them or what they are happy, worried or sad about.

When you share, notice the sensations in your body, your emotions and thoughts.
Use as much as possible “I” language rather than “you” language (for example “I feel sad” vs “you made me feel sad”)

After 5 minutes switch roles and the second person shares and again after 5 minutes the third person shares.

Listening: listen actively and notice your sensations in your body, your emotions and thoughts. Listen without questions, advice or comments.

Afterwards you can all share how the experience was for you and what was arising in you while sharing and listening and if you all agree, ask questions or give comments.

Agree a timeline for the conversation, ideally 20-30 minutes maximum. Finish with telling the others one thing you appreciate them for right now. 

Will you try this out if you have not tried it?
And:
Will you share with me how it was for you?

There is another way to spend five minutes also in a very useful way: that is the 5 minutes feeling sorry for yourself when you are feeling low and shitty.
Giving full permission to feel sorry for yourself.

Only for five minutes though.
I wrote about that earlier.

And I am curious: What is alive in you right now?
What do you want to share with someone?

Love,
Tuulia & Pete ❤️