Do you consume these “empty calories”?

Do you ever gossip?
How do you feel when it happens?

I was asked to share more about gossiping and its impact on us (ultimately negatively) and why we still do it.

I define gossiping as saying something about someone to another person in a way that is negative or sensationalistic. 

In a way that you would not say it in front of the person you are talking about.

The best way to avoid gossiping aka talking behind someone’s back is to talk to that person directly.

You might ask…

Why don’t we do that?

I think gossiping feels exciting.
It is like doing something bad and keep doing it anyway even though you know it is not great. 

Can be almost addictive.
Cheap thrills.

Gossiping creates this false sense of connection.
“I am sharing something with you that is a secret or a little naughty thus we are in the gang. We are knowing something which not everyone knows.”

The bad thing is that gossiping is like empty calories.
Fun for a moment followed up by a moral hangover.

When I hear gossip I might get interested.
Little excited.
“Wow! Who would have guessed!”

For me there is also a thought “so you are talking about them in this way to me…
What are you saying about me when I am not there?” 

Gossiping breaks trust and does not really serve us.
Why do we need to share about other people’s business in a nasty way?

I do not consider appreciating or praising others behind their back an issue or label it as gossiping, even though I do recommend sharing the phrase also with the person in question.
(If you praise my facilitation skills to others I will not feel offended!)

I think we all have a little mean and sensionalistic part in us.
That is why the yellow papers and gossip stuff about celebrities sell.
I get to know something personal and most likely icky about another human!
And they do not know any of my secrets.

Merriam-Webster dictionary says gossip as a noun is “a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others“.

I like reading the recognition of habitual – so often gossiping is an ongoing practice for some people and they might not even be fully aware of what they are doing.

And also “sensational facts” sounds right: going after cheap thrills. 

I also checked what Wikipedia says about gossiping and found “Gossip is idle talk or rumor especially about the personal or private affairs of others; the act is also known as dishing or tattling”.
(I did now know the words ” dishing” or “tattling”!) 

So why do we gossip?

I think that many of us get a bad example at home.
I at least I have heard my mother and father talking negatively about other people.
I am pretty sure they did not tell those things to the people in question.

My mother also talks about people she does not know and who have nothing to do with her life.
Local and national politicians, journalists, celebrities and so on.

Let me ask you:
Do you gossip?
Do you have a temptation to gossip and sometimes choose not do it?
How do you manage to hold yourself back?

How do you feel when others gossip to you?
Have you ever called them out on that?

Wishing you all the best for the last days of the year.

Love,
Tuulia (& Pete) ❤️